Marsha Linehan on Radical Acceptance
What is Radical Acceptance?
- Radical means all the way, complete and total.
- It is accepting in your mind, your heart, and your body.
- It’s when you stop fighting reality, stop throwing tantrums because reality is not the way you want it, and let go of bitterness.
What has to be Accepted?
- Reality is as it is (the facts about the past and the present are the facts, even if you don’t like them).
- There are limitations on the future for everyone (but only realistic limitations need to be accepted).
- Everything has a cause (including events and situations that cause you pain and suffering).
Life can be worth living even with painful events in it.
Why Accept Reality?
- Rejecting reality does not change reality.
- Changing reality requires first accepting reality.
- Pain can’t be avoided; it is nature’s way of signaling that something is wrong.
- Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering.
- Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful emotions.
- Acceptance may lead to sadness, but deep calmness usually follows.
- The path out of hell is through misery. By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back into hell.
Learn more about radical acceptance at Marsha Linehan’s forthcoming training event “Practical Skills Training: Foundations & Updates” in Melbourne & Sydney.
Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.
What happens when you no longer have a choice as to your preferred reality? You may be interested in browsing through my blog entries wherein I etch out my struggle with Lewy Body Dementia. It is called Down The Rabbit Hole, I would appreciate your own perspective and comments, and especially the latest blog When Is A Lamp Not A Lamp. You can find it at revdrgm.wordpress.com
Radical Acceptance is profoundly paternalistic and disrespectful towards those who suffer. It is insulting to assume that someone who is unhappy with their life is merely throwing a tantrum. Also, people don’t necessarily have to go through misery to get out of a hellish situation. What if a woman is in an abusive relationship? Why the hell should she accept that?
Radical Acceptance is nihilism. It is lazy defeatism that tells us to give up, slump down, and practice “half smiles” rather than summoning up the courage to eliminate suffering and lead fulfilling lives.
I choose to be happy.
Radical Acceptance is for situations where we have no control. This article is no suggesting that you should employ Radical Acceptance to every aspect of your life.
Alex I think you’re missing the point. Radical acceptance is not about surrendering to your problems. It’s about confronting them. Accepting that bad things have happened to you, finding a solution to them, and getting to a better place.
But confronting them is not accepting them. Accepting is by it’s very definition giving up and lying down.
Alex, i hope you’ve actually read Linehan’s story and understand the foundation of dialectical therapy before dismissing it completely. It has helped those that were deemed untreatable in the past and has a very high success rate.